CAPTAIN PLANET

engulf me ....

2007-11-09T07:51:00.001-08:00

its been a million years i have not blog..... yeah you can say i was busy as hell...well i was training for a race called river regatta and yeah we kinda won..2nd that is....will upload some photo soon...

well i dont know where to start off. to tell exactly what happen. well it was working out pretty well between me and her.. eventually not tonight.

well yeah maybe she has a lot of problem with her family and friends. well maybe am i not understanding.?? i dont know. i do have my sadness too but never made such a fuss.. is my heart fill with pain... yeah i feel soo.... im trying all i can to be a better man. i try making her happy with jokes and laughter and always cared about her. i also try to look fit and nice for her. i try to spend time with her. and yet im not a good man. i gave her my listening ears. and always gave her what i thinks shall be done. not only that my whole family is behind her.

oh anyone tell me tell me what should i do...why is every other man look so appealing to her except me. have i not been trying to be a good man.,.??? why is she always hating me.... engulf in sadness yeah i am......

I LOVE YOU SHAMIRA!!! IM SORRY....
WITHOUT YOU IM EMPTY ...I CANT GO ON THIS WAY...
I LOVE YOU....
IM SORRY HONEY...

Comming bcak to the ground for you to come back again

engulf me ....

2007-11-09T07:51:00.000-08:00

its been a million years i have not blog..... yeah you can say i was busy as hell...well i was training for a race called river regatta and yeah we kinda won..2nd that is....will upload some photo soon...

well i dont know where to start off. to tell exactly what happen. well it was working out pretty well between me and her.. eventually not tonight.

well yeah maybe she has a lot of problem with her family and friends. well maybe am i not understanding.?? i dont know. i do have my sadness too but never made such a fuss.. is my heart fill with pain... yeah i feel soo.... im trying all i can to be a better man. i try making her happy with jokes and laughter and always cared about her. i also try to look fit and nice for her. i try to spend time with her. and yet im not a good man. i gave her my listening ears. and always gave her what i thinks shall be done. not only that my whole family is behind her.

oh anyone tell me tell me what should i do...why is every other man look so appealing to her except me. have i not been trying to be a good man.,.??? why is she always hating me.... engulf in sadness yeah i am......

telll me fuckin tell me what should i do!!!!!!!!!!!!

here it comes..

2007-10-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

been somedays not blogging...busy? nah.... not so i guess...well holiday is 2 more weeks counting....
finally a break...

whats up so far in my life hm noting much. but yeah its getting clearer now as inuation between me and her.. told my dad the real situation can see that he is kinda of dissapointed but lets face the music.. life was never fair....its a big paradox.

well im feeling way better now.. really.. for all the while im missing her and really need her...now i feel that i just have to let time heals.... time is everything for me now.. quote dad" you have done all that you can do to change and be better for her. if it doesnt comes back than thank everything that she had made you realize your mistake" well i agree to that a statemet. shamira thank you dear for making me for what i am now..

im listening to this song by bread titled if... well on of the best love song i ever heard...somehow...i still miss her presence in my life....

dear...
i know that its a million times i want you in my life....but out of that million times there is this one THIS one time i would really really really want you in my life.... missing you dear little star...

love ellf

dan i stand to let it go??

2007-10-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

today was an ok day i guess.... arghhh i guess i jus need something to throw my anger and jealousy toooo.......

like who wow he is so "romantic" yar maybe im not...for everything i am... but thats ok i guess... cauz im who i am ...i will be this way and that makes me special.. im no sweet talker like all the guys.. talk so sweet for what....to get laid cheaply??? f@#^ off... really....

i used to be that sweet talker guy..but guess why im not like that no more....cauz i dont want to break your heart.... saying all those things just to make you feel that i love you.... well i know that they are more things one can do...to prove how much you love someone....

can someone sweet talk the rest of his life???? yar say im immature or sum thing....i really dun mind no more... maybe im too dull honest and just to straight about life... tELL me i dont deserve you at all because i dont do sweet things..??

did i never do sweet things....? life....was never fair and will never be.....

i cant stand not trying...

2007-10-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

yesterday was one of the most exhilarating time of my life. it was my team's first master series and hell our opponent was way ahead of us. we were in lane 1 and next as SCDF,SAFSA,NTUC and HDB. hell all the opponents was ahead of us in terms of age and experience. but it was to my amazement that we did showed them a good fight although e lost 4th our timing as good. which to me was commendable.

our team went home to our training ground in seletar right after the race for training. and it was THE BEST !!! and i say the best TRAINING I EVER HAD...everyone was at its peak performance level. hell i had love the feeling. 2 more weeks to river riggata the last dragon boat race in the calender... hell i want to bring home more than just memories...

the night right after all the training my ex, shamira came to my house with her brothers for hari raya.. well she is sooo sweet in baju kurung.. i like... she has changed alot my mum and dad was soo over joyed to have met her ... for all her changes and bla...bla.... i was touched how she did things last night.. ho she helped my mum with stuff.. and how she mingle around ... so sweet.. but sad we broke off... thats the big issue now... my whole family want me to be attached to her again.. well as i say i would love it to happen but...how?? 3 months+ since our break off.. been hearing my dad and mum and family and her nagging at me to my mistakes.. hell yar i have understand what i did wrong...cant stand all the nagging...so irritating...liao...

today morning i was so fatigue to go to school so i didn't go as usual and met her ... at the library to teach her.. well not much... as she did her own revision. while at it i did to make an attempt to propose to her... well kind of... well i wrote at the front of the tissue paper " i cant stand not trying, you practice all your life for one moment to prove to the world...lai ar...!!!" well that was to encourage her in her o'levels what she didn't knew was that at the back of the tissue paper i wrote" would you be mine <3?" which she did not knew i put it in her pencil case just hoping it would be a good news...lol...ahahahahhaha

well dearest..
i knew i blew it all in the past few months i admit i was busy adjusting to this new school but now im very much stable and i do hope you might consider coming back in my life... i do love you and i know you know that...i just need the moment to show you..what i have been practicing all my life for..... back in love....

what can i do..

2007-10-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

today was like an other usual day nothing much. as usual school with all the meetings... however there was something different today. my dragon boat team feel like it is falling apart. people are quiting and its hard for me to let it happen so a meeting was held up and i guess we are working to this problem together.

i am hearing this music by the corrs.. i think it is a very very nice song. its what i would want to say to shamira for al my life..and its all written in words. read the lyrics it might inspire hear the song tooo...

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we have talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what i'm doing wrong

Chorus:
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And i just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better yeah
If I don't try and I don't hope

(Chorus)

No more waiting, no more aching,
No more fighting, no more trying...

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

(chorus, 2x)

Love me Love me Love me..


if you peeps have heard this song than thats great its a very2 nice song. and to the little star i always like..this one yeah this song if for you
especially for you....


sometimes i feel so guilty for jennifer. like hell i feel like i broke up her feelings in a million pieces.. its like is it because i always break peoples heart 
that i end up to have such a karma. maybe..bu even if i do.. star would feel hurt i guess....but hell yeah im hurt... ever since i vowed to 
be for her...i will always be..till the end....i just want to be truthful and pure to her... my little star.....

well for all that it is... i just dont know.. i think she has a new guy that loves her as much and she admits that she liked her... who ma i to object...
im walking on already...sad....

life oh please be merciful to me and give me another chance...human make mistakes....oh god please....

walk the walk...

2007-10-17T19:08:00.000-07:00

i miss you dear...im sorry

my understanding test is gong to be over soon. means holiday is coming. Alot of things happen in my life so far.. sometimes i feel lost. to start with. i met my ex yesterday. wow finally. she is so sweet and adorable like she used too..we met to study. wow she is getting smarter and i feel so happy for her. marked her maths paper and it was good.. excellent.. shamira you really have improved.

Funny tough yesterday when i met her firdaus call her. wah so romantic sey she.. but somehow i feel so jealous don't know why maybe because i still do like her. yesterday i talked to her everything . like finally i express almost everything to her. and i cried last night cauz i felt stupid. stupid to be making this those mistakes. like my dad said to me. " boy why do you treat her that way when all your life she was there by your back!" whenever i think about it i really2 feel like an idiot. shamira..

i realize my mistake and i will never do it again.. im sorry . for now i really am lost. like i really want shamira back in my life and be a normal couple and be happy. since i realize my mistakes ....i never would want to do it again on the other hand i feEl so bad that i dont feel that i deserve her.. to my dearest shamira. i pray for your happiness.. in whatever you do. please forgive me for everything i have done wrong to you. i do always love you. maybe i have told you that a million times. but i realize that money and words is not love is all about.... i accept all my wrong doings...i deserve all this...

feeling so emotional. OH GOD.... FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU GAVE ME....ALL I WANTED WAS HER!....please do everything to me.. show me to be with her again....

lost and in despair..

school to date...

2007-10-16T09:32:00.001-07:00

pictures of raya 2007

2007-10-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

i have loads more to upload but havent
git the time yet. have to study...shit ut.

hari raya 2007

2007-10-13T19:20:00.001-07:00

i will up load more pic soon i have got to go visiting again....arghhh so tired

hari raya and the days before

2007-10-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

hey hey. its been awhile i have not been blogging. been very busy this few days. hari raya was coming and school was tedious. today was the first day of hari raya and hell it was a bad day. first and for most let me start with what happen before raya came. well as normal im so missing my ex girlfriend. sometimes i do try to message her like million times lah but seldom she replies. maybe she is busy or something, but im kinda sad that it only happen to me like if it was her friends it would be a different story. like im not her friend. i guess too sometimes. has they say once you are apart things will be totally different. i guess i have to live with it. it hurts me so. sometimes im worried for her and stuff but yar if that is what she wants god bless . moving on. the few days before raya i did alot of spring cleaning and due to this i did not attend school like nearly the whole week lah. so syiok but feel a bit sian. lol aniway my room is so beautiful now and my house is wowowow weeee..... has it is finally dragonboating has a few days holiday for hari raya.. thanks god. today was the hari raya. as usual i went to an-nur mosque to do my prayers it was like damm sooo many people. i was soo tird and sleepy by then cauz the day before i had not enouh rest. as it was written as ssoon as i finish my prayers and reached home i was lying on my bed sleeoing. beleive me those were the best sleep i ever had. we went visiting reletives and all those things till around 10.30pm it was fine after some long times finally i met them happy . i finally am eating man. like the rendang and ketupat so nicee.. somehow today and till dont know when i still miss the loving nature of my ex. but tonight i will not think about her no more. since its a new month in islamic calender. i really want to move on. i still do love her and forever will but i cant hide the pain its hurting im like no body to her. ok lah ellfiz stop being emo....hahahahahhaha i think thats all i would want to write today tomorrow going back to hari raya visiting and stuff... chaw.

new to this world

2007-10-09T03:25:00.000-07:00

my ex and me.... i miss you.

well im like finally making a blog how funny is that. WHAT a blog!! well well ok.. guess its out of boredom or sumthing. ok ok.. im like so stress dont know why. dont ask why. just feel so much thing i have to do. well introducing myself to the world out there. im hafiz. you peeps can call me elfiz lah.

im currently studying in republic polytechnic taking biomedical science. as it is im single. well just broke off. after like 4 years . well could be the reason why im feeling this was. trying to forget her. but hey i love her sooo damm much lah. memories and everything that we used to share. im having flash back and everything but i don't blame her for breaking up with me. life after post secondary is so different. well my ex.. I MISS YOU!!!

im moving on with life now. but hell those memories with you were so beautiful. i miss you sulking at me and you being with me. i hope you are doing well out there my mango.... damm. i think thats all i can blog for the momment i will update soon. i have to go study some